The Best of Rissa Says Inspired by NickMom #MotherFunny #Shop

My list of funny things my toddler has said is part of a sponsored post for Collective Bias® and Nickelodeon’s NickMom.com. All things were said by my daughter. She’s pretty honest except when she lies about pooping (but that’s a story for another day).

From the day she began talking, we’ve delighted in random things Rissa says. Some cute, many blush-worthy, but mostly hilarious. Over the past year or so we’ve progressed from adorable mispronounced words and phrases to jokes and funny observations.

The other day I was cracking up while perusing the Kids Say of the Day over on NickMom. It’s reassuring that my daughter isn’t the only one who says crazy stuff. Some of the quotes even triggered memories of conversions I’d forgotten! I wish I could keep track of more quotes from her, but I do my best to capture some quickly before I forget (but only if my phone is handy and autocorrect doesn’t funk it up). Man, I need a better way though. Some are saved in notes, some are tweeted, others posted on Facebook. I need my own page of dynamic Rissa sayings! It’s almost daily now as her vocab, observation skills and creativity expand. 3 year olds are hilarious and before I know it, X will be contributing his own amusing quips.

Anyway, this post will probably embarrass her in the future and/or contribute to needing therapy but for now we can smile and laugh. Even she did when she said most of these (except the one where she is clearly crying). Ahem.

Top 10 Funniest Things My Toddler Says (that I can remember):

10.If your toddler leaves you to go potty in peace – you might find this when you come out. “Hooray a mess!” She exclaimed.

Me: Who made this mess? Rissa: Zombies.

9. She sat on my lap, smiled and said “I’m going to pee on you. Because I’m peeing right now.” (Thank goodness she was wearing a pull up)

8. I’m going to spread butter on you so I can eat you up.

7. Stop crying baby Xander, I’m bloggin’ about you.

6. Daddy’s peeing out of his pants!

5. Rissa: It’s f***ing cold out.

Daddy: You don’t say that. Who says that?

Rissa: Mommy says that.

(Thanks kid… though to be fair, I hadn’t said that exact phrase. So she seemed to know how to use the word in a new context.)

4. My nipples are like pretend boobs for my babies to have Rissa milk.

3. My owl’s wearing underwear! (It’s supposed to be his belly)

2. She makes up songs with lyrics such as “Clap your hands, clap your feet, clap your nipples” and “shakin’ my butt.”

1. You have to be naked to swim.

And while not a direct quote, I have to share this one too: How do you know your toddler watches Doctor Who? You hear her telling her toys to get in the TARDIS.

Okay, it’s really hard to narrow these down. I keep thinking up more as I go… like when she asked if cats have a penis or a vagina. Or when she said our airport waitress looked like a witch. (But she said it nicely and with enthusiasm!)

What is something funny your kid said lately? What’s your favorite one from NickMom?