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Because Prompts are Fun: The Hardest Thing About Being a Mom – Asking for Help

2013-01-23 12.00.41

There are many things that are hard about being a mom like never going to the bathroom by yourself, remembering when you last showered, and sticky hands stealing your food off your plate. We could talk about the heartbreaking difficulties or laugh about the more amusing ones, but instead let’s talk about the most important one.

Asking for Help

Generally I’m not the type that balks at asking for help, but I do like to do things on my own. Things I know I can do. But there’s something about this mom thing that makes asking so… taboo. Even though I know it’s okay to ask, I’m still hesitant – aren’t you? Even when I get offers to help it’s hard to take it. I feel like I should be able to do everything and it’s embarrassing to ask for help.

Maybe it’s the stories about how our great-great-great grandmothers birthed 20 kids, sewed all their clothes, tended the farm, and cooked every meal from scratch. She did it “all on her own.” Or maybe it’s just as simple as trying to prove that life really hasn’t changed that much since having kids. (Don’t you hate how everyone always reminds you that kids will change your life? They tell you that they WILL but the HOW part is kind of fuzzy…)

With my daughter, not being able to do it all (or even half of it) caused me a great deal of anxiety. I thought I should be able to keep up with laundry, dishes, cleaning the house, showering, cooking, plus all the other aspects of taking care of a very dependent little being. This was not the case. Not even by a long shot. Add in a second baby and you know I’m not getting everything done on a daily basis.

But I still struggle with asking for help.

Help so I can have a break.

Help so I can take a shower alone.

Help so I can just run down to the basement quick.

Help so I can… do something – anything – with full use of both arms, without anybody hanging off of me, and no crying/whining.

The first person I need to be able to ask for help is my husband. I love him dearly and he does help – don’t get me wrong – but sometimes he just doesn’t know or understand what else I might need help with. He’s not a mind reader but it’s like I want him to just know and do things so I don’t have to ask. I mean, I’m home all day, shouldn’t I be able to figure out how to do everything that needs doing?

The other things that are tough to ask for help about fall under parenting advice. It’s such a tricky area. I hate asking anyone for advice on how to parent my children (even when I’m feeling like I need it) because the clash of philosophies comes into play more often than not. And… it feels like failure. If I’m asking for help it means I don’t know what the hell I’m doing, right?

Wrong…I know that now, but I still don’t like to ask for help. Because… well, being mom is something I want to be awesome at doing. I want to excel at motherhood. I want to be able to do it all myself. So I have to remind myself that asking for help isn’t a weakness, it takes strength.

What’s the hardest thing for you as a mom?

Lena - @elenka29

Thursday 31st of January 2013

Asking for help is hard, especially if some have too much of opinion.

Darcy Zalewski

Friday 1st of February 2013

Yeah I think knowing who you can each out to without them giving you an earful is important.

Heather M

Sunday 27th of January 2013

I do agree with you that asking for help is hard. However in my situation, I have nobody to help me, so even if I wanted/needed help I wouldn't have any!

Darcy Zalewski

Monday 28th of January 2013

It's like we are programmed to think getting help is a sign of weakness. I know some people really have no help options but most people do even if they don't realize it. I know you just got married so there's at least hubby to ask!

Sarah @ East9thStreet

Sunday 27th of January 2013

It's so much easier to tell people what they should do instead of actually doing it! And sometimes, you just need affirmation that what you're doing isn't going to scar your children for life. Asking for help is tough sometimes but with anything, the more you do it, the easier it gets. See, that was much easier for me to tell you that than actually adopt it myself. ;)

Darcy Zalewski

Monday 28th of January 2013

Lol it is definitely easier to tell others what to do. I'm pretty good at offering advice that I rarely take myself even though I know better! Crazy how that works.


Friday 25th of January 2013

I cannot ask for help, but I am constantly craving it. My husband reminds me all the time that he can't read my mind. I remind him all the time that he could think for himself! :) I'm even struggling right now with how to ask family members to watch my child so I can date my husband. Why can't I just be supermom, superwife, and super take care of myself lady?

Tahlia B.

Friday 25th of January 2013

I can TOTALLY relate (especially with just the one child)! I've just really had to learn to have realistic expectations and not freak out - that's not to say I haven't. I'm a work in progress. ;)