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Why Me Time for Moms Doesn’t Really Exist

what is me time again

I have uncovered a big lie that is being pushed upon new and veteran moms alike.  The lie of finding “me” time.

Me time for moms does not exist.

It’s a sham.  A joke, really. We are told moms need me time so we chase after it and often find ourselves disappointed.  That is until we redefine it.  I think I’ve found it hiding in plain sight, we just aren’t recognizing it for what it really is….

Before I became a mom I had loads of time to myself.  Time that I wish I could have bottled up for an emergency.  I look back and think about how I worked full time outside of the home, spent time with my husband and friends, gamed and basically did whatever the hell I wanted when I wanted.  Yet, I had the audacity to think I needed to schedule “me” time back then.  What? My whole life was practically “me” time.  Yet at work we’d talk about the importance of taking care of ourselves to keep our cups full of happiness.

I often confuse “me” time for “alone” time.  And that is where the problem is, I think… as evidenced in this video.  Rissa even weighs in on the matter briefly.

Recently I conducted a highly unscientific study using Facebook and Twitter and asked my fans and followers what they did for me time.  The small sample that responded gave only a handful of answers – many were the same!  Here are the results that are no way an accurate representation of all moms (but I’m willing to bet many of you are nodding your heads in agreement):

Responses to What Do You Do For Me Time?

  • What is me time?
  • Shower/bath
  • Read
  • Grocery shop
  • Sleep
  • Walk

From those responses it really seems like a lot of moms are struggling with finding me time or what to do with their time.  (Like Jenni of Mommynanibooboo.com – you can see that she had no clue how to handle 20 minutes alone in her amusing vlog.)  I mean, a shower or a bath? Why should our “me” time be while doing basic hygiene?  And sleep? You’re not even awake to enjoy it!

So, I’ve concluded that “me” time as we currently think about it doesn’t exist.  It is very hard for moms (and dads too!) to take alone time away from our families.  I know whenever I DO get alone time I am too full of guilt or thoughts of work getting piled up to even enjoy it properly.  Why is it always so much work to take a break?

Anyway, back to my conclusion and proposed solution.  It’s time to stop thinking of “me” time as “alone” time and just think of it as enjoyment time.

Yes, alone time still is valuable and needed but not as much as enjoyment time, in my non-professional opinion.  Enjoyment time can occur while you’re alone or with family and friends.  For me, that’s the main thing.  I need time to do something I enjoy – no matter who else is involved.  I need activities that are something other than feeding, changing, clothing, diapering, laundry, grocery shopping, work, sleep.  It doesn’t even have to cost money!  You could totally tie in this new definition of “me” time with The Frugalette’s Happiness Challenge.  Ultimately, I’ve noticed a difference when I get a chance to do something that *I* enjoy on a regular basis.

What say you?  What things do you enjoy doing with or without the family?

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Comments ( 8 )

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  1. Jesica H February 9, 2013 Reply

    Great post Darcy. I do think that you can have “me” time though… like I make it a point to take myself to movies every now and then, partly to get away from everyone and enjoy my own time, and partly because my husband and I have very different tastes in movies.
    I will agree with re-defining it. I do get alone time a lot…but I often spend it doing laundry or catching up on work I wouldn’t otherwise have time for…that is not really “enjoyment time” as you called it…just time I can get stuff done w/out interruptions, lol.
    If you do find the secret to it all be sure to let us know!
    Jesica H recently posted..Baby Babu Cloth Diapers – Soon to be your favorite diaper!themommybunch

  2. Tazim Damji February 10, 2013 Reply

    Darcy, this may seem a little strange – but I wish I had a little less me time. It’s pretty lonely living alone and not speaking to anyone all day (even at work). I totally understand where you’re coming from – but I can’t help but feel a little bit envious at the same time.
    Tazim Damji recently posted..Valentine’s Day Party Ideas — Party With Your GirlfriendsBeingtazim

  3. Tiffany C. February 11, 2013 Reply

    I totally enjoy going grocery shopping child-free. I consider that me time. It’s like a mini-vacation.
    Tiffany C. recently posted..Culturelle Kids Probiotic Can Help You Keep Your Little All-Stars in the Spotlight! + GiveawayFabFindsbyTiff

  4. Angela February 12, 2013 Reply

    Enjoyment time sounds great! With grown and older kids I am able to have more alone time. I remember when it was a luxury to take a quiet bath late at night or close my eyes for a few minutes and breath.
    Angela recently posted..Experience Vancouver on a Budget {Guest Post}

  5. Kecia February 12, 2013 Reply

    You are so right, and I recently talked to my husband about this. When I get “alone” time, I think he sees it as my “me” time…even if I’m blogging or sleeping during said time. That’s not all fun and games! I think we are going to talk about enjoyment time now! :)

    When I do have a break from everything, I like to read, take pictures, or watch TV.
    Kecia recently posted..A Healthy Twist to your Hot & Cold SandwichesSGRcom

  6. laura February 12, 2013 Reply

    I have combined exercise into a “me time” activity. If I bike I can watch grown up TV while I do it.

    Going to the dentist as “me time” is sad.
    laura recently posted..Creamy Crockpot Potato Soup RecipeDealinandDishin

  7. Shary February 12, 2013 Reply

    My “me” time is playing video games. I don’t even have to be alone because my daughter can join me on the consoles. I also craft while a movie is playing and I can always sneak away for a few minutes to catch up on internet memes. Me time definitely doesn’t have to be fancy.
    Shary recently posted..Simple Valentine’s Tree Topper

  8. Sarah @ East9thStreet February 14, 2013 Reply

    My me time is sitting in bed while everyone else is asleep and reading a magazine. You know those fun ones with all the celebrity gossip and eye candy? I used to think my workouts were me time but now I classify those as “I’m doing it to keep my sanity time.” Well, maybe that is me time. :)
    Sarah @ East9thStreet recently posted..My Dog Sledding Experience: Harnessing The Dogseast9thstreet

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