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When the Holidays Aren’t So Happy

I have a confession… I don’t really like Christmas. *gasp* Hear me out. It’s not the holiday itself but this time of year is full of very strong memories and emotions for me. I try to do things to make others happy to mask my own sadness.

I started to look forward to Christmas this year, figuring on a fresh start as I make it fun for Rissa. Unfortunately, it’s just that time of year where I’m delivered with sad news. I do love giving gifts, so I’m thrilled to share gift ideas with you and offer giveaways. I’m excited to exchange gifts with family but it’s also a time I just want to eat chocolate and cry.

Very conflicting emotions, indeed.

Growing up, this time of year was difficult because we didn’t have a lot of money. We were usually living paycheck to paycheck making ends meet. My parents always did the best they could to provide me with gifts (sometimes from a giving tree) and I’m thankful of that. But, I always felt the strain… The stress of overdue bills, layoffs from work, and everything that goes along with being low income (or at the highest, low middle class).

When I was 5 years old, both of my grandfathers passed away within 11 days of each other between the Thanksgiving and Christmas stretch. One was killed in a car accident, the other passed from cancer. We were there visiting when he passed in the night in his sleep. Even 25 years later, I feel a lack of closure.

Last year around this time I was alerted that one of my grandma’s wasn’t doing well and didn’t have much longer… In January she went on to a better place.

This year… I hoped for something better, but instead I find out my dad has been diagnosed with cancer. I’ve been dealing with a lot of emotions the past couple weeks as I’m sure you can imagine.

I share this because blogging is therapeutic. Though I have shifted to a lot of reviews and giveaways, this is still our nursery. And the tales within are of our family – both good and bad. I haven’t slowed down the posting too much lately because I have to keep working. Keeping busy is helping me to cope with these huge emotions, worries and fears. I’m trying to stay positive.

So hug your loved ones extra tight this week. I know I will.

Brooke Anna @ Mommy Does...

Tuesday 20th of December 2011

Hey Darcy, I know where you're coming from. My Dad's family has had so many deaths over the years, most between November and January. My own Dad passed away on December 13, 2006. It was an utter shock to have happened though we all knew it was inevitable. My big cousin just passed within the last two weeks. I'm so sorry that the Holiday and Christmas spirit is scarce for you, but please know that I understand. ((hugs))


Sunday 18th of December 2011

My heart goes out to you and your family. You have the strength and love to make it through this time.

Tazim Damji

Sunday 18th of December 2011

I understand how this must be a bag of mixed emotions for you—especially because it is so many people's favourite time of year.I can't say that I like the time of year either, but not for the same reasons as you.

Wendy T

Sunday 18th of December 2011

I get it.

It's not that I don't really like's that I hate it. I hate the piped in canned music that gets played at least 4,863 times in a six week period that reiterates that it's the "season to be jolly".

Not always.

I grew up a product of drug addicted abusers. I gave birth to the first person I loved on a December 9th. Twelve years later, on a November 18th, she would die (brain cancer).

So that leaves me with no family ties and a memorial date of my daughter's death followed by Thanksgiving. 21 days after the memorial date is her birthday and then Christmas and then "Happy New Year". Yeah, whatever.

It's just too much in six weeks when surrounded by all that "joy".

At least this year my teen son is home and not with his dad, so I won't be totally alone but that's a helluva burden for a 14 year old boy, kwim?

Hijack over. Thanks for allowing me a place to be honest.

Donna Edwards

Sunday 18th of December 2011

I really appreciate all that you do for your blogging family. I am so glad you shared this post. I am going through a situation close to yours this year and I feel your pain. I will be praying for you and everyone who is feeling a void this time of year. Merry Christmas everyone and God Bless.