Our breastfeeding relationship is still going strong at almost 14 months. Problem is, I'm feeling touched out. I've been feeling touched out for about a month now and it's not going away really. Some sessions it is worse than others. I don't think it's getting worse though … for now.
What is Touched Out?
Feeling touched out is when someone has been touched a lot and they are not welcoming the touches anymore. A lot of moms (breastfeeding or not) can experience this after a day full of children pulling and tugging on them. It's often why I don't feel like being intimate with husband even though I want to be close to him.. I just don't want anyone else to touch me for the rest of the day.
How Does it Affect Me?
It's definitely a sensory thing and I've been surprised by the strong feelings it can invoke. Sometimes I just have to put my daughter down because I need her to get off of me. I have no personal space since giving birth and some days I want it back.
From what I understand, feeling touched out is completely normal and varies from person to person. Some touching that never used to bother me now makes me want to climb walls. It's weird and turns on my mommy guilt.
The worst of it is when Rissa is dozing off while nursing. She wants to grope around with one hand. She'll rub/pat my belly, pat my chin, touch my nose, pull on my lip, and more. The worst offenders are the touches I'm not comfortable with coming from her and escalate my touched out feelings. These need to stop, and hopefully will resolve my feelings of being touched out: pawing at my mouth (jamming her fingers in my mouth, scratching and pulling on my lips), pinching and rolling the skin of my breasts, shoving her hand into my cleavage, pinching/twiddling my nipple, and anything else like those already listed.
I have no idea why she wants to play with the other nipple while she nurses from but it is driving me crazy! I'm trying to redirect her to stop the unpleasant behaviors but sometimes it is very difficult, especially when she starts to throw a fit. I will cover the other breast and push her hand away, but sometimes she fights back with tugging, pulling, hitting and crying.
I really hope to finish our nursing relationship without the feelings of being touched out, but I'm not sure if that will happen or not. Will they both end at the same time?
Have you ever experienced this?
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Deb says
I didn’t do extended breastfeeding so I can’t really relate to having my boobs played with by a toddler. But I feel “over-stimulated” everyday by the noise and arguing of my kids – and sometimes I just go into a dark room where I can’t see anything and also plug my ears. I will sit there and just sink down within myself for a few minutes.
And yes, after a long day of being pulled thin by kids, I get irritated to have to “give” to my husband too. Sometimes I have nothing left to give.
I hope things gets better for you. If it gets really bad, it may be time to wean.
Larissa Brunken says
My daughter is almost 15 months and she has been doing everything you described for several months now. The pinching is what drives me nuts!!! All I can say is you are not alone! Got weaning tips?
sara m says
I know exactly what you mean! My son nursed for about 20 months and honestly I did get touched out to the point that we had to wean! To make matters worse, i’m STILL really touched out about certain areas of my body, because the obsessive need to touch me never stopped! My son is almost 5, and his little sister will be born in two months, he still tries to touch my breasts and nipples. I don’t mind him touching my belly because I know he is giving loves to his sister but the chest thing has got to go. The problem is he really does still remember being breastfed, I know a lot of professionals say that kids don’t remember what happens before 3 but he does! I love snuggling with him but I am really struggling with being over touched. I am worried how much worse it is going to be when the baby get’s here and I have 2 competing to touch me all the time. :(
Sharon says
I can relate to feeling touched out. I don’t know that I had heard of this before, so thank you for posting and making me feel normal :) I stopped breastfeeding at 13 months. It was a real challenge for me to continue for that long, but we wanted to wait to fully wean until our daughter could have cows milk. I know some women love breastfeeding and I have a friend who didn’t stop with her youngest until she was 3. I cannot imagine doing that since breastfeeding was not enjoyable for me. Even know my toddler drives me crazy sometimes how she hangs on me. If I’m sitting, she’ll stand next to me and step on my feet (not intentionally really) or pull on my sleeve while she twists back and forth.
Irene says
I’m sorry but I had to laugh at this because my daughter does the same thing when she nurses. She turned two yesterday and the nipple thing started a few months ago. Now when she does it I push her hand away and tell her to stop. There have been times when she has been sassy and pulls a nutty and tell her to stop the behavior. If she continues then I just pull her off the boob and that’s it. She can pull a nutty if she wants after that, I don’t care but she needs to learn to be gentle and listen when I tell her to stop. She now knows the difference and knows that I mean business and if she continues then off she goes. I was hoping she would be weaned by now but the girl loves her boobies!
Be firm and don’t let her get her way or she will continue.
Jessica says
I know exactly how you feel. My daughter will be 2 the day after Christmas and she still nurses quite a bit. I try to ignore the nipple pinching/pulling/twisting but it can be so frustrating. No matter how much I cover it up she pushes and digs her way in, she is very persistent! Usually when I try to protect one side that just makes her want to switch sides. Overall we still have a good nursing relationship but there are definitely days when my patience has worn thin and I just want to roll her off of me.
April Clark Trent says
I understand completely and empathize with you. I nursed my daughter until she was 20 months old and experienced the same things. It wasn’t until I went in to check on her one evening as she was falling asleep that I picked up on her little trick. She was rubbing her hand in a circular motion over the fitted sheet. She didn’t use a pacifer, suck her thumb, become attached to a blanket or a stuffed animal, so this kind of surprised me. From then on, when I laid her down to sleep, I would get her hand going in a circular motion on the sheet and she would continue on her on and fall asleep without any problems. I had to wait until she was old enough to really talk and could explain to me why this worked. It was all about the pilling on the sheet. She liked feeling the nubbies as she called it. It was a texture/sensory thing that calmed and soothed her, which is why she would do the same thing with my nipple as she was falling asleep. Even at 8 yrs old, she still rubs her hand in a circular motion on the sheets. What helped for me (before she could verbalize what she was doing) was draping my other breast with a teething blanket, the kind that has the rubber textured corners with various nubs and ridges.
tamra childers says
I only breast fed my son for the first few months so he didnt get to that point, but if he he did I would have just stopped breast feeding and moved to a bottle, good on you for putting up with it.
Jessica McMasters says
Oh wow! I never knew the perfect word for this feeling. lol. As I nurse our 8 wk old right now. I haven’t had that feeling yet with our newborn, but I did get to feeling very very touched out with our now 3yr old who I nursed for 24mo. It feels almost like claustrophobia. Thank you for this post I enjoyed it!
Darcy says
I’m glad I helped you find the words to help describe it. I’m feeling much better now and still nursing at 15 months!
chelesa sims says
i nursed my oldest and a couple of times he bite me .but i never went through him playing with the other nipple. I can only imagine how aggravating that can be.
Alisha says
Thank you all for helping me understand. Thought I was losing it. It’s almost 1 year of nursing and I am exhausted and don’t seek any physical contact from anyone. I am on overload. My little girl is too attached. Help!
Julie M. says
Thanks for this post! It helped me to better understand why I may be feeling this way!
Darcy says
You are welcome! I’m happy to say that it went away and we are still nursing. Occassionally I’ll feel it again but it’s briefer.
Susan says
The twisting/pulling is called “nipple twiddling” and it’s normal for babies 9 mos & older. They use it like a double pump to stimulate the milk let down. (I learned from lactation consultant). So I allow it at first if gentle, but I redirect any harder pulling & move the hand later. A “lovey” to hold/focus on during nursing definitely helps. But the overall touch overload: so hard some days!!
Brittany Jane says
Breastfeeding a toddler isn’t “extended breastfeeding” it’s just nursing to natural term. 18 months and still full steam ahead! My daughter tried to play and pay at my breast from infancy. As she grew older she moved towards my mouth and face. I get touched out during the MOTN nursing sessions, because I just want to go back to bed! Last night was rough that’s why I’m hear reading this. Sigh…
Darcy Zalewski says
I’m sorry you had a rough night last night, Brittany. It can be very exhausting. You reminded me that I need to write a follow up! My kids are now 5 and 3 years old and both nursed until a few months after their third birthdays. One was a nipple twiddler and the other liked to dig in my belly button! Grabbing at the mouth can be frustrating and they aren’t always easy to redirect – no matter how many times you do it. You are doing a fantastic job and I thank you for stopping by. (Also feel free to send me an email, tweet, or PM if you need to vent!)
Brittany Jane says
pat* not pay