Baby Socks = Good Mother Status?
Posted by 
May 21, 2011 •
Some of you may have seen my tweets about this… last weekend while we were at Home Depot, an older woman was completely appalled that Rissa wasn’t wearing any socks.
Appalled.
It was in her tone of voice, her words, and the look on her face.
I didn’t know that the sign of good or bad mothering could be determined by whether or not a child was wearing socks!
I was holding her and we were in the store (not standing around outside). It was a nice sunny day, although the wind was a touch cool. She did have pants on and a long sleeved hoodie over her shirt.
But no socks.
My daughter cannot/willnot keep socks on! It is a never ending battle to keep them on her feet and keep them from getting lost. (and baby socks are not cheap) So, most of the time (now that it’s no longer winter and the snow is gone!) I don’t bother with putting socks on her.
Well, this woman gasped in shock behind me and was talking about my sockless baby before she walked past us. As she walked past she remarked (in disgust) that my baby needed socks because she was cold. (While also scowling at my over her shoulder.)
I shot her a dirty look and said she was fine.
And she was fine. She was smiling and happily kicking her feet and spreading her toes like she always does. Her feet were not cool to the touch. Last time I checked, I’m not able to accurately determine what someone else’s baby needs in less than 30 seconds.
What kind of random unsolicited advice have you received?
Speaking of socks…..
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Tags: advice, old wives tales, parenting, socks, winner
My son is almost 4 mos old. We had a horrible time trying to breast feed. My age, c-section and other complications made (with me as well as my son) my milk come in slow and my son lost weight at an alarming rate after his birth (more than what the pediatrician was comfortable with). We consulted several times with a hospital’s breast feeding consultant and came up with a plan. So I’ve been pumping since 6 days after he was born. Every day..now about 5-6 times a day (more often in his earlier months). He is fed mostly breastmilk via a bottle and we still have to supplement about 10% with formula.
Well one time at the mall, I has brought some bottled breast milk and was feeding my boy. A complete stranger walked right up to me, with her child in a carrier sling possibly nursing…I couldn’t see…and said to me in a VERY snooty voice, “Don’t you know breast milk is best for your baby?!” I was aghast! I said “Of course I know that” and she said, “Then do right by that child and feed him properly.”
Now, still somewhat fragile after all the physical complications I had and emotionally so because more than anything I wanted to be able to feed him directly from my breast, I started to cry a little. I know I should have yelled at the idiot that she knew nothing about me…but I just didn’t have the fight in me at that time. (Boy I do now though and if I ever see her again I WILL give her a piece of my mind!)
If she only knew the daily torture of pumping, pumping, pumping, pumping she might understand what REAL commitment to breast feeding is. Because I tell you, it would be very easy for me to cave and just go to formula, but I keep soldiering away day after day. That’s what Mom’s do!
People can be idiots! How dare they judge another without knowing the full story?! (Sorry if I rambled a bit here)brousehouse
Wow – just wanted to say you’re amazing mama! Way to have the determination to feed your baby breastmilk under such challenging circumstances! Your son is one lucky little man to have a mom who will do whatever it takes to give him the very best. KUDOS to you!
No worries about rambling – thank you for sharing your story.
That’s awful! They have no idea. And if it was formula, how did they expect you to just start nursing because they said so…it’s such a small window to get it going.
Honestly, the only time I really have a problem with the method of feeding is when prior to birth someone I know doesn’t even consider breastfeeding/pumping as an option. I advocate for breastfeeding, but want to be supportive to help mamas be successful – not lay guilt trips on them!
*hugs*Syrana
We were at Walmart doing our weekly grocery trip, and we always go as a family: my husband, myself, my 5 yr old, my 4 yr old, and my 3 yr old. My 3 yr old asked for something (a toy?) and was told “no”, and so she proceeded to throw a tantrum and started screaming…this was nothing new to me, and I knew that in a few minutes, after she realized that we were not giving in, that she would stop. I wasn’t particularly embarrassed because I have seen other mothers deal with the same thing and my heart always goes out to them. But this time, as I was halfway down the aisle with my two other kids, and dad was left with shrieking 3 yr old, a woman (50-ish) approached my husband and said this : “Your child is disturbing everyone. Why don’t you leave!” My husband was dumbfounded. He told her that when he wanted her opinion on parenting he’d be sure to ask for it. He was a lot nicer than I would have been. I would have probably used words that would have turned her hair white. To all who do not have children, know this: Unless you can be helpful or kind, or lend a hand in some way, butt out.”
She was disturbing your family – she should leave! :P
This was what I felt everyone was thinking when my daughter had her first big public meltdown in a coffee shop. I did end up leaving, but I tried calming her first.
Even if I’m feeling annoyed by hearing some one else’s kids whining, crying, whatever.. it has to be something bigger to get me to say anything – safety concerns or parents completely not paying attention or something done to us by them.Syrana
My daughter was born durning the summer, we live in a warm climate and it was not in the least bit cold outside. I still remember when an elderly woman approached me when I had my daughter out shortly after she was born and the lecture she gave me on how a good mother would have put a hat on her baby’s head. This was 23 years ago.
I’m assuming your daughter turned out just fine! You didn’t want her to overheat either.Syrana
When I had my second son, I was on medication that I couldn’t breastfeed on. It came down to formula or having his mama around to watch him grow up. We chose formula.
I was just learning about homebirthing and more natural things at that time, and there was a rally in our capital building to change the laws of the state to better support midwives. I decided that would be an awesome opportunity to introduce my two other young children to the governmental process.
Everything was going well. I was meeting people, we were all having a good time, until the baby got hungry and I pulled out a bottle. Suddenly, it seemed like I had the plague. It was very sad. :( No one asked about our situation, no one talked to me the rest of the day, in fact. I did get plenty of communication in the form of dirty looks.TPHAcademy
Maybe it’s because I had to pump to feed and use some formula for a short period of time, but when I see a bottle I don’t automatically assume formula or assume that you don’t care or whatever.
That’s terrible that the just changed to give you the cold shoulder. Just because you don’t do everything natural doesn’t mean you are bad and don’t support others in doing so! (I mean, isn’t that kind of like saying men can’t fight for women’s rights?)Syrana
It’s a little different but I was in line at a grocery store talking to my husband about infertility treatments and the woman behind us said “Why don’t you just do it more?” I turned to her and said, “You mean you need to do that to get pregnant!?”. That shut her up!
By the way, I LOVE to be barefoot and if it’s not cold then I don’t have socks on either!
That’s not something to interject on unless you offer a recommendation of a doctor or something actually helpful!Syrana
Your baby is warm blooded and will be like that the rest of her life. I cannot wear socks to this day ! If my feet get cold I slip on ped’s and trust me within 10 minutes they are hot and off they go !
Next time tell the hag to mind her own business ! People
nowadays do not know when to be quiet. They act as though
they know it all . Well, they don’t !!!!!
I have always been outspoken and will continue to be to
make these dummies be quiet !kapumaka
I figured she wasn’t the only sockless being to be just fine! :DSyrana
Heh! Reading this reminded me of my mother. She’s always telling me that S is “too cold” when she’s fine. This seems to be some sort of previous generation thing, which I don’t get. I highly doubt babies have evolved to be warmer in the last 25-50 years, but ehh.
Anyway yeah. Some people out there are simply unsolicited advise-givers, and they’re not going to change. I find it’s easiest just to shrug and say meh. We mams know what’s best for our little monkeys! :)
I know it took me some getting used to before I felt confident that she was dressed appropriately…. but that was also before her body could regulate her temp. A newborn is a little different than a 6 month old. But yeah, it definitely seems to be a generational thing!Syrana
I gave up on baby socks a few months ago. Don’t feel bad, going barefoot actually helps baby development! (not to mention, it saves mom’s sanity, too :-P) Wow, I can’t believe how rude that woman was to you, though– who are these people and where are they from?? The thing that people love to judge about me is putting an amber teething necklace on Oscar. So it may not be the most macho thing for my baby to wear, but it helps relieve pain and keeps him quiet, so on it stays! :-PMaria
Helping with development makes sense – her feet aren’t restricted and she’s constantly exploring with her feet!
I think little boys look fine with the teething necklaces. Kinda reminds me of surfer guys!Syrana
Darcy,
I just thought of something else.
Does your baby have alot of hair on the head?
I have been told by Beauticians I have enough hair on my
head for 5 people. Trust me this keeps my body so warm
you have no idea !!!
I always said my feet control my body temp.
let me know !kapumaka
She was born with quite a bit of hair. It thinned out as her head grew but it’s filling in again. I have thick hair, which overheats me easily! She probably has thick hair too.Syrana
I used to get this all the time! I never put socks on my baby. Even in the winter (he was always wrapped in a blanket…who needs socks??)
I can’t tell you how many (usually older) women gave me disapproving looks and comments over it.
I finally stopped being polite and just told them how it was: no matter how many socks I put on the child, he kicks them off within two minutes so what’s the point?
But seriously, I think you’re right that socks = sign of good mothering in many people’s minds.
Luckily, those people are wrong!
It is at least 110 degrees here on the daily, there is no way I would put socks on my baby. I have been “advised” that I should chemically alter my 5 year old daughters hair, to make it more “manageable” …we love her hair the way it is, thank you very much!untraindhairmom