Infertility, Impatient, or Both?
Posted by 
August 30, 2011 •
Oftentimes the decision to have a baby is the easy part, it’s the conceiving part that can be difficult for many. I haven’t researched the change in statistics, but the number of people I know who have issues conceiving seems high. And boy, what an emotional roller coaster that is. I know, because we struggled.
I’ve known for a long time that I wanted kids “someday.” I just didn’t think it would take 3 years of trying and testing. I was about to give up hope when it happened. Now, all the testing my husband and I had done came back as “normal.” Nothing stood out as an issue. Though my reproductive organs were deemed healthy and functional, my cycle was not regular. It made it extremely difficult to track.
I wasn’t too bothered by our lack of conception in the first 6 months of trying. As we approached a year, it started to become a sore topic of discussion. As the time ticked on, it was all I could do not to cry whenever someone would ask when I was going to have a baby. Didn’t they know I was trying? Don’t they know it’s not always easy?
While we struggled to conceive for 3 years, I don’t consider myself infertile. I’m not even sure if I feel comfortable saying we had infertility problems. There are too many women and couples out there that have much more complicated situations than us. People that truly have an infertility problem where they simply cannot get pregnant on their own without medical intervention.
I was scared of going to the next level, which would have been fertility drugs such as Clomid. I had been told originally by my OB that I we needed to try on our own for a good year+ before looking into alternative treatments. There was a time I was jealous of those who easily became pregnant – especially those that weren’t even trying. While I used to know more people that would try for anywhere from 1-5 years to get pregnant before starting on the road of medical options, it seems nowadays people aren’t waiting as long. A friend of a friend recently started Clomid after trying for less than 6 months to get pregnant naturally. While I don’t know her well, I do know that she has issues of an irregular cycle like me. In fact, I offered my support and ear to her about it. I was shocked and upset.
Why? Because in such a short amount of time it’s hard to know if you are infertile. It’s hard to know if you are just being impatient.
Of course, now they are pregnant after one round of Clomid.
Could I have cut our wait down by using it sooner? Or could they have achieved what we did if they just kept trying on their own without anything medical to aid in the process?
I’m really trying not to be bitter – seriously. But I think interventions like fertility drugs should not be taken lightly and should be reserved for people who have tried for more than a year. People who really may not be able to conceive without that help.
It’s hard to wait. I know that. I also know it’s hard to figure out if your infertile, impatient, or both.
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Image: winnond / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Tags: clomid, fertility issues, infertility, trying to conceive
It took 11 months for us to conceive our second child after the first took just 2 months. At first I wasn’t worried, but the last few months had me starting to worry. I didn’t want to have to use fertility drugs. I kept trying to remind myself that I knew lots of couples that have tried for 2 or 3 years and then one day, without drugs, it just happened. I kept trying to tell myself I needed to wait and it would happen eventually, but it was definitely hard for me not to worry and wonder at what point I should see a doctor (I knew the standard is at least a year, but I was approaching that!)katie0stewart
I totally understand. We were going on 5 years of trying. I finally decided we needed to man up and get to a specialist. They did whatever testing that could be done in the office, including an internal ultrasound. They informed us I was ovulating (I am also irregular and have always been). We discovered we were expecting without making another appointment or getting the rest of the testing. It was so hard not to deck people when they would pry as to why we didn’t have children. I was mad a lot at family gatherings.
Stumbled this post. Tweeted it too. Good post! Darn good point about the drugs too.Elleberra
Before I even got married, my doctor diagnosed me as having Polycystic Ovarian Disease and said that I would need help getting pregnant. Once I was married, we still tried for a year before seeking help and when they tested him too they said we would never get pregnant on our own and that we may not even be able to with their help. Well, let me tell you…we believe in the healing power of Jesus Christ and we started praying. I went on clomid and some other drugs at the same time and at first they didn’t think I was going to make an egg, So we kept on praying and then after 3 rounds they finally saw one. Then, when we went in for our IUI they said his sperm count was too low and we may not even want to come in the second day. But we didn’t give up instead we prayed and showed up again the next day and his count was better (instead of the norm which is worse on the second day). We became pregnant and had a beautiful little girl.
We went through the same thing 3 years later and when I got to the last round of medication that my insurance would cover, they still saw no eggs but said we could come back in a week to check again if I really wanted to, but thought it was a waste of time. We prayed, came back, saw eggs, went throught the IUI and became pregnant with our second daughter.
And then 3 years later we really wanted another, but did not have the money to go through fertility again. So we prayed, our family prayed, and our church prayed. A month after being prayed over and trusting God for a miracle I found out I was pregnant, something the doctors told us would never happen. In fact his exact words were “Don’t ever waste your money on birth control!”
I am so glad that we trusted in God and the words written in the Bible. God is living and active and still does miracles! Doctors are wonderful people, but they are still only human.
I agree that many people are way too eager to go on fertility drugs and way too impatient. I know a girl who had not even tried for 3 months and was crying to me about not being pregnant and how worried she was (even though she had never seen a doctor concerning this) because her aunt and sister-in-law had problems! She became pregnant the very next month.
Wanting a child causes very strong emotions, I cried a lot before I decided to trust God and believe his words instead of the doctor’s. But I am so glad that we did. We now have 3 beautiful daughter’s and were blessed with an amazing son through adoption as well.
Thank you for sharing your story! I definitely treasure my little darling (even when she’s driving me batty!) and yes,it is a very emotional subject for many. I was tested for PCOS but that was negative too. I know someone else who has it and she’s had 4 beautiful boys. It is tough when you can’t find a reason why things don’t work as they should.Syrana
I’m sorry you had to go through that. In our culture, we are used to having everything instantly-including babies. So, I was not surprised when I read that your friend/acquaintance decided to try Clomid after just 6 months of trying. I agree with what you said about interventions that you should not take them lightly and enter quickly. As with any drug, Clomid has it’s risks. Yes, I’m THRILLED that many people have been able to get pregnant because of it, but there are risks involved that couples-especially the mother-need to consider.mummytocharis
Yes we have become very focused on instant everything these days. And it’s not just the people who seek it – I can’t believe doctors are discussing it so early now!Syrana
I have been off birth control for 6 months now and am still not regular with my periods. I really want to have a child as I’m getting older and am scared I am not be able to conceive so I definitely feel with you on this subject. Just hope it happens soon for me :(